Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Eat it.... Eat it all you fucker.

Okay, so a little game of mine is to start typing a phrase and see what the most searched terms on Google turn out to be.

For example, for some reason I decided to type in 'man eats nothing but...'  and see what the most searched last word is.

Man eats nothing but...

#4: Big Macs

So apparently there is a man who lives on nothing but Big Macs... mostly.  He says there has only been eight days of his life that he has not eaten a Big Mac including times that he was traveling and couldn't find a MacDonalds, which... where the figgity fuck was he traveling?  Antartica?  I think there's only a couple hundred MacDonald's there at the moment, but they are trying to expland into the penguin market.  Currently they are being outdone by Starbucks.  Motherfucking penguins love them some Starbucks.

Looking over the list of sites about this Don Gorske, one website proclaimed him, "America's saddest man."  Which... fuck you.  The man requires one thing in this world.  A Big Mac.   While the rest of us chase money, fame, cars, sex or whatever, this man needs a burger.  That's it. 

Sounds like the happiest motherfucker to me.

#3: Potatoes

To prove the awsomness of potatoes, a Washington man ate nothing but them for three months.  Somewhere in Ireland, an old man wept.

#2: MacDonalds:
Okay, so Supersize Me was bound to come up.  I remember watching it a few years back and.... fuck that guy. 

I mean it's kinda cool that film still has the ability to create changes in the critical fold anymore and the influence of this movie can't be understated.  But seriously?  Nobody was claiming that any type of fast food was healthy.  At all.  There was no guy who looked at the greasy burger in his hand, a look of horror slowly crawling across face face, before flinging it across the room pointing at it and yelling, "Murderer!  Murderer!  How could you cross me, Big Mac!  How... How could you!!"

It's called freedom of choice.  Enjoy it.  The way these corporate bastards are going it might be the only freedom left to us.

#1 Ramen:

What.  The. Fuck?

Okay so an eighteen-year-old girl has eaten nothing but Ramen for the past thirteen years.   I was unaware a human could live on Ramen alone for more then a month.

Ramen, as it is known in this country, is basically salt and carbohydrates.  That's it.  It's designed to help stop the pangs of hunger and provide just enough energy to keep from collapsing, all for 50 cents.  It is something people buy when they have no money.  That's it's job.

According to doctors she has the health of an 80-year-old.  All for eating a food normally reserved for broke-ass 22-year-olds.

1 comment:

  1. Found my way here through a Wattpad story, saw this headline, and thought it was a great idea for a horror story!

    Enjoyed this piece as well, I will try to follow along.